did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
