i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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