one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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