So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
