Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
