I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
