woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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