so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
