With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
