We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
