I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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