I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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