Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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