Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
