I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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