btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I believe in your delicious
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
