I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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