I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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