Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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