I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
