there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
