hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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