My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
