we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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