I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
