so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want nice things and good sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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