Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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