Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
