Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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