So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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