whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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