Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
