I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
