i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
