if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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