He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
