i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
