Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
