dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
