I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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