I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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