Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
