how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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