Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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