I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
