I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
