I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
