So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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