I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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