just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
