Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
