I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
