I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
