im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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