I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
