Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
