those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
