well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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