I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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