I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You ate ashes out of my bong
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
