i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
