k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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