if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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