i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
