I love black thongs
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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