Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
