I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
