So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
