i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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