seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
