I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need moral support for this bender
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I supernannyed him into submission
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
