sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize