I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
