Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
