yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
