me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
