they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
