You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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