Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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