I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
