How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
