dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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