forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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