Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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