Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
