Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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