New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
