i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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