eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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