he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
