Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
