My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
