The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My hand turned me down
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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