Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
