Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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