just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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