youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
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she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that