i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me