This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy