1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Dating After Heartbreak
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center