Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
