I'm going to jail i love you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
